Let Me Go
by The Century Child
Summary: Yaoi! Thou art warned! HieixKurama songfic! Hiei's side of my other fic, Predictable.


Konnichi-wa! Had some problems with getting motivation; my muse took a vacation! Hey, that rhymes! Aaanyway, this is _kinda_ a sequel to Predictable, since I got such great reviews about it! Thank you all! This is, really, the same story just from Hiei's POV. Enjoy!

* * *

**One more kiss could be the best thing  
But one more lie could be the worst  
And all these thoughts are never resting  
And you're not something I deserve**

Oh, his kitsune… That damned kitsune that kept him up nights on end, even when Hiei was in his own home. He dreamt of the nights spent in his red-haired fox's arms… But that had been all he could do for the past week. He had been… distracted recently. And Hiei knew he shouldn't tell his fox that he would be able to make it to their dates, but if he said no, then Kurama would ask why… Why… Hiei wanted to ask this question as well. Why him? Why was Hiei blessed with such a gorgeous creature as Kurama, when he couldn't even spare a moment for him? The small black youkai shifted to find a more comfortable position in the tree he sat in, the tree in the ningen park that he so loved. It seemed proper that Hiei should remember Kurama and let his thoughts dwell on the fox here; under this very tree, the two had had their first kiss…

**In my head there's only you now  
This world falls on me  
In this world there's real and make believe  
And this seems real to me  
**

Of course Hiei often wondered if he was dreaming. Who wouldn't, when you've been shunned all of your life, shunned even by yourself? When you suddenly find yourself in the arms of the angel on Earth that you've been watching from a distance for weeks, just watching because you knew you didn't have a chance with him? Those nights had always made the youkai wonder if he wasn't just dreaming every time, and he would constantly ask Kurama to pinch him, for dual reasons, of course…

**You love me but you don't know who I am  
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand  
And you love me but you don't know who I am  
So let me go  
Let me go  
**

The youkai jolted himself out of his reverie violently, nearly knocking himself out of his tree. 'You can never truly have the one that you are not true to,' an annoying voice in his mind told him, one that some might identify as a conscience, though Hiei found his far too obnoxious to really convince him to do the "right thing." Though, the voice was absolutely right. Hiei hid far too much from Kurama… Not by choice, of course. Well, in reality, it _was_ by choice; Hiei chose to keep Kurama safe from the ghouls that plagued him. Ghosts of the past, ghosts of the past, he would all ways tell himself. He should tell his kitsune, as well, but why drag him into a situation where he would only be hurt… or killed?

**I dream ahead to what I hope for  
And I turn my back on loving you  
How can this love be a good thing  
When I know what I'm goin through  
**

He hoped, he prayed—yes, prayed—that his fox, his kitsune, his god of love would forgive him for being so foolish. He had thought more about what he had done to his fox, and realized he had unintentionally given Kurama every hint that he didn't love him anymore. Oh, gods, that was the last thing he wanted! Hiei wanted to run, top-speed, to Shuuichi's home, but his recent… activities… forbid him from such an action. Besides, Kurama might not even want to hear his name again; why waste energy just to be rejected? Hiei ran at what might be a human's top speed—well, what he hoped was a human's top speed. Who knew? He shook his head while running. Who cared how fast he ran! Kurama, Shuuichi, Youko, whoever he was, Hiei loved him with all his heart and didn't want the beautiful near-deity thinking anything otherwise. He was almost to the young redhead's house…!

**And no matter how hard I try  
I can't escape these things inside, I know****  
I know****  
When all the pieces fall apart  
You will be the only one who knows  
Who knows  
**

Hiei had worked so hard to achieve his goal, and he was so close… But what had he sacrificed in the process? His lover. Hiei could feel the aura of the fox from two blocks away; he slowed his pace to a walk and focused on the familiar scent of roses emanating from the ever-open window. He reached the small but quaint brick apartment building, surrounded by very tall, very useful trees. He climbed one of these trees silently and jumped onto the ledge, crouching down inhis way and waiting forthe kitsune to turn, not wanting to startle his darling.

**And you love me but you don't  
You love me but you don't  
You love me but you don't know who I am  
**

The thought haunted him. Hiei wanted to be rid of it, and fast. He resolved within two seconds to tell the fox the whole story. But Kurama stopped him. He held up one slender, pale, gorgeous hand, and any words stopped in Hiei's throat. "It's not necessary, Hiei. I know. And I have a solution."

He knew? _And_ had a solution? Perfect! Just what Hiei wanted! But wait. He didn't seem happy enough to truly know the story. Hiei understood and dreaded Kurama's next words, hating that Kurama was so upset over a misunderstanding. But, as was Hiei's way, the youkai wanted to show no emotion, and the only way he could accomplish this was if he said very, very, little. "Hm?" he asked, kicking himself mentally for it right afterwards.

"It's… it's time. Time for you… to go." Kurama turned from Hiei suddenly, but not before the small liquid glimmer of a tear fell onto the fox's soft cheek. Hiei immediately wanted to kiss it away, but he knew the fox hated him by now… "You… don't want… to stay anyway," Kurama continued, sniffling. Hiei felt a pain in his chest, as if someone had stabbed him. He stuttered, not really knowing what he was saying, tried to breathe, then wondered absently what the use of breathing was if Kurama didn't want him anymore. He half fell, half jumped out of the kitsune's window, hearing the distinct sound of Shuuichi sobbing as he landed.

**And you love me but you don't  
You love me but you don't  
You love me but you don't know me…**

Hiei tripped, collapsing onto one knee, gasping for air between sobs. Kurama was the best thing he had in his life, and now what had he done with it? Killed it! Thrown it away! Completely destroyed it. Completely… The youkai rolled over onto his side on the ground and curled himself into a tight ball, not caring if someone saw him on a late-night stroll through the park. This was as far as he would go, as he could go. He wanted to die so badly right now… He sat up just enough to draw his katana and lay back down, pointing it, shaking, at his throat. Tears streamed from his eyes, but he didn't care, couldn't care. He didn't have enough energy to mind what a mess of himself he was making; besides, he was about to die anyway, right? No… he couldn't. He dropped the katana on the ground beside him. It wasn't that he feared death—not right now, certainly. But he was so close to his goal… Maybe, just maybe, after he achieved that, he would return to Kurama and tell him the truth, and if he wouldn't listen, then he would leave a note, something, anything! But he would have his lover back! Just… not right now. He hated himself for letting anything get in the way of his love for Kurama, but after he achieved this, he would have all the time he wished to make it up to the fox. He knew this would have to do.

* * *

One month later, Hiei returned to the Ningenkai, walking with pride. He was where he wanted to be. He had everything he had ever wanted in his life… almost. But that was the reason he had taken such great pains to return to this god-forsaken place. He wanted Kurama… his fox… It had nearly driven Hiei insane, just remembering that fatal night. Hiei hoped that the Youko hadn't forgotten him, what with all the girls that badgered him constantly. Those girls probably wouldn't lie to him, and miss all their dates… 'Shut up! Focus! Get him back!' This time, Hiei liked what the voice said. He nodded and picked up his pace, still not being able to run to speed. But he would soon enough.

Hiei felt the Youko's distress from the outside of the building. He sat hidden in the shadow of the tree that he had scaled on that night. The black demon was curious as to why Shuuichi was in his room, just sitting there, with no lights on, but he didn't want to frighten his love, of course, so he would wait. Soon, the lights flicked on, the soft yellow light from the third floor not illuminating Hiei's post. The youkai climbed the tree softly, jumped to the windowsill, and tapped on the glass of the closed window. Kurama opened the window, eyes wide, looking shocked to even see Hiei again at all, let alone in his room.

"Kitsune, it's a long story, but I'm willing to tell it, if you are willing to hear it."

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I'd love to know what everyone thinks! And there might be others on this lil storyline, there might not! Just depends on where my muse decides to be! Au revoir! 


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